Monday, August 16, 2010

I Didn't Mean To Scare The Crap Out Of Senator Murray's Senatorial Assistant

This morning I made call to Senator Murray's office in Washington D.C. mainly because I am too lazy to write a letter in this heatwave and we have unlimited long-distance. I explained the nature of my call to the assistant. "It's this Senate Bill 510- The Food Modernization Act. It really bothers me," I said. "They are saying it's about Homeland Security and is for our protection because terrorists could taint our food supply." I mention it was introduced by Senator Durban, a Democrat of all parties. I had contacted his office prior to Murray's but he was golfing or something, I really don't know for sure.

Senator Murray's assistant was alarmed when I pointed out the Food And Drug Administration would have the right to raid private vegetable gardens without a warrant if this bill passes. I informed him it's not about Homeland Security at all, but the corporatizing of our food supply. "This," I said, "will put small famers and even people like us who have a raised organic vegetable garden at our house out of business." There was a long silence.

After a time, I said, "Dude...like, good morning." He snapped out of whatever funk he was in and said "I will pass this on the Senator." I thanked him. He is on his way to a Washington D.C. based pharmacy as we speak to get some trazadone to calm down. On the way he will get a freshly squeezed organic juice from an immigrant run vegetable stand and/or juice dispensery. Okay- I made that last bit up. Everthing else is true. I scared the crap out of the assistant. I didn't mean to. Bills pass the Senate all the time and no one but maybe the person who wrote it ever knows what is in that bill. -Alison Whiteman

2 comments:

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I'd actually be thrilled to see a bunch of CIA agents storming a garden shooting zucchinis and green beans with their 9mm Berettas.

Tacoma Gawker said...

It's way better than salad spinner.