Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Hilarious Middle Schoolers I Eavesdropped On At Target

I am not sure what we found the most amusing about middle school when I was a middle schooler, but this is what the boys must contend with these days. Girls get stuck in their jeans. That's right, their jeans. "Her jeans were so tight." said the boy, "I had to help cut her out of them!" It was all I could to do to not snort laugh out loud in order to continue eavesdropping.

"One girl wears her jeans so tight she can't breathe!" said the boy. "She is like on the verge of fainting all day long!" I nearly choked on my horrible lunch: a hotdog. The preservatives from that poor choice of a lunch are probably killing off parts of my immue system. Perhaps my "inside laughter" helped.

As much as I like kids, I am so glad I never had a daughter. I would have been one of those moms blocking the exit to the house yelling, "Too tight! Too low! Too revealing! I am going to shred your clothing if you keep this up!" And facial piercings? There is no way in hell any offspring of mine would have gotten away with that. Some soul somewhere is thankful I am not her mother. -Alison Whiteman


Linda Medrano said...

Kids do dress weird. A lot of times though, parents save their battles for more important things than clothes. Fortunately for my daughter, we had the same taste in clothes and wore the same size. Not so fortunate for me.

Tacoma Gawker said...

Well, I objected to Jay's daughter's facial piercing, black hair dye, black lipstick, low cut revealing shirts, heavy makeup, and tight jeans. Alas, to no avail. Her mother not only allowed her to wear this crap, but also drove her to visit her now dead boyfriend all night long. Yes, he died of an ecstasy overdose in September. I think her mother should get the Most Enabling Mother of the century award. Or perhaps, the I Am Completely Stupid And Have No Boundaries award. This child has a 1.25 grade point average and has now completely given up on finishing high school. Basically her life is ruined until she hits about age 35, a horrible bottom, and realizes she should have focused on education instead of huffing, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, psychotropics (how the hell she gets those I have no idea) and boys. But, they say I am stupid. So I guess I am just stupid. And they constantly threaten me with court action. Well, BRING IT ON! I love court in a sick way. Mike and I are litigious people. Ha ha ha!